


Always

by Chaos_Angel666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fear, Forgotten Love, Frustration, Longing, Love, Loyalty, M/M, Multi, Soulmates, endverse destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Angel666/pseuds/Chaos_Angel666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Zachariah sends Dean into the future to let him witness what will happen if he refuses Michael, Dean and Castiel end up talking as they're left behind in the hideout. What Endverse!Castiel tells him, changes Dean's whole world and his feelings for Castiel suddenly seem a lot more reasonable. Destiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

'' Uh, hey Cas. Any idea where everyone went? '' The former angel opens his eyes on the familiar voice behind him and lowers his arms, allowing his body to slack from the former meditation. A smile flashes across his face as he sees 2009-Dean standing in the door, a lost expression on his face. It's just all too visible that what he saw here is nagging on him. Of course, in 2009 everything still was easy. People could relate on each other, the signs that the Apocalypse broke free where small, barely visible at all and Sam was still with them. Despite how much those two fight, without each other they're lost. His Dean is lost. Lost in hatred and self-blame. There's no hope to fix this in his eyes even if fixing things was always something Dean did. He never gave up, no matter what happened. But the war changed him and not to the better. His expression is cold, his heart has grown hard. He's not the Dean he used to know. It's refreshing to have 2009-Dean with him now. He likes this version of him. The one that still believes in another way for this to end, the one that believes in fixing.  
'' Looking for some kind of trace I presume. He seems to be very eager to find a way to kill Lucifer. '' Dean's eyes lower. He's not happy with the thought of him, or his other self in that matter, killing Sam. Even if it's Lucifer that now has control, Sam is still in there. How can his future-self even consider shooting at him, killing him. There's got to be another way. He might not be there for long but...-  
'' There is no other way, Dean. No way to save Sam and kill Lucifer at the same time. '' For a faint moment Dean looks into Castiel's eyes with something like a stubborn, sulky expression that causes Castiel to laugh. Such raw emotions, what a wonderful view. As Dean sees the man in front of him laughing his glance lowers. The familiar warmth spreading out in his stomach but now it's different. This is not the real Castiel after all, the real, stubborn child-like Angel of the Lord wouldn't laugh. Not like this. A smirk or the faintest chuckle, maybe. But not more. Castiel titles his head as he sees the sudden look of insecurity, of confuse, in the man's eyes. Not knowing why he's suddenly avoiding his gaze like he said something embarrassing. By now, human emotions, human thoughts, they're normal to him so it's a little easier to understand them but right now there was nothing that could have caused this sudden mood swing. Almost painfully slow the realization crosses his mind and another rumble of raspy laughter breaks the silence of the room,  
'' Ahh the sweet time where we were still dancing around each other, how I miss it. It was all so simple back then. '' Slowly Dean looks back up at him, the insecurity now overridden by genuine confuse. Opening his mouth a small huff of air in the attempt to say something leaves Dean's lips but no real words come out of them. He looks past him at the ground, trying to figure out what the former angel meant with that, his finger pointing at him while that. After a few seconds of staying motionless in this position, his eyes move back to Castiel,  
'' What dancing? '' A smile tugs on Castiel's lips and he shakes his head  
'' Just floating in memories of a better time. Ignore what I said. '' Castiel waves his hand carelessly at Dean. Telling the man about this probably would cause more confusion. After all he obviously is still not aware of anything inside him and adding even more emotional distress to his current state could harm his mind. But the younger man takes a step closer, taking his seat right next to Castiel on the ground to put a firm hand on his shoulder,  
'' Cas what are you talking about. '' The roughness in his voice and the touch cause Castiel's skin to tingle in pleasure. It's not his Dean but it's almost. Another, this time smaller smile on his lips as he turns his head away,  
'' I really wouldn't want to spoil it. ''  
'' Damn it Cas, spill it. '' With a mix of amusement and mock he glances up at him but the seriousness in those familiar green eyes cause the walls around his heart to melt a little. The grin drops and he shakes his head,  
'' I was talking about the time where we weren't involved. Where we still pretended to not be interested in each other. ''  
'' ...Huh? '' Dean's cheeks prickle in embarrassment as he hears a small huffed laugh from the man across him on his probably rather stupid expression.  
'' You and me. Or, well, my past self and you, will at some point get into a position where we talk about feelings. Our feelings. ''  
'' You mean... feelings for each other? '' The shade of red on Dean's cheeks deepens a little more as Castiel's brows furrow in amusement,  
'' You seem so discomforted therefor that you should feel it for your me already. '' Dean's gaze lowers in embarrassment, sure Dean loves Castiel but more as a brother... right? He of course felt a difference between the feelings he holds for Cas and the feelings he holds for Sam but that doesn't mean he's in love with Castiel right? The angel in his time is the complete opposite to the people he normally dated. He's stiff, he follows rules, he's inexperienced with human emotions as well as with... everything else. Not to mention the strict urge to do everything his bosses tell him to do. Sure, he's helping now but this could change at any...  
'' ...Well...'' A knot builds in Dean's stomach. Castiel is a lot but he wouldn't switch sides like this. He's on Dean's side, no doubt of it. And yes, his feelings for Cas are different than the ones for Sam, a lot so. But just the thought of Castiel feeling anything for Dean that goes deeper than friendship is... laughable.  
'' He was very stubborn too at the beginning, I don't take it bad on you. Just do your me a favor and stop being a dick-head to him. '' Castiel crosses his arms and cocks his head to the side. Dean's eyes narrow in a mix of confusion and frustration,  
'' Sorry? ''  
'' Well, first one to make a move was me and you-he pushed me off rather rough. To be honest, it was very frustrating. Very hurting. '' Dean bites his lip,  
'' ...I'm sorry? I mean, let's just go hypothetical here for a moment... If you come to me, in my time-line, and tell me something about you being in love with me I would probably- '' Holding up a hand to stop him, Castiel gives a small 'ah',  
'' I merely said that I think I am feeling something stranger for you and that I believe that it could be something like love. Of course I first did my research to the subject 'love'. '' Raising his eyebrows Dean now too crosses his arms,  
'' What research? '' A grin creeps on Cas' lips,  
'' Books but mostly TV Shows and Sam's laptop. Thinking about it like that, I'm glad I didn't mention that one too. ''  
'' ...And... what happened? You know, between us. I mean... you were an angel and a relationship in general was totally against your rules but a relationship with a human? Wasn't that like the worst thing ever for you? '' A saddened smile graces Castiel's lips on that and something in Dean cramps at that sight. It's natural to him to see Castiel emotionless but sad, heartbroken even, this sight is killing him already. And it's not even his Castiel.... or... the one of his time.  
'' It went so far that I fell. '' Dean's eyes widen at that statement and his head shoots up,  
'' You fell? Does that mean there's nothing of this Grace left in you? ''  
'' No. Zachariah, he took it from me after he found out about us. Dean barely kept him from killing me at the beginning, then he took my grace from me while I wasn't careful enough. It almost killed me and Dean was worried. ''  
'' So... if I tell my Cas about my … feelings... does this mean he'll fall too? '' Dean's stomach turns on the thought. If this is the price Castiel has to pay for being with him it maybe is better when Dean keeps everything like it is. No changes, no love, no relationship. Nothing that would give this bastard a reason to take Cas' grace from him.  
'' Maybe. If you kill Zachariah before and keep an eye open for other angels you can maybe prevent this from happening. But personally, I don't miss it that much. ''  
'' You're lying. '' Dean states after looking him over.  
'' Well... it was better with my grace. I could protect Dean, I could protect Sam. It's my fault that it's now like this. '' A sting of anger runs through the hunter, his hands grabbing both of the former angel's shoulders tightly,  
'' No it's not. If you wanna blame someone, blame those other feathery dicks but not yourself. '' His voice shakes a little with anger but other than that he seems deadly calm. Everything that shows the anger are his eyes, they're burning.  
'' Dean said it like this... Humans are the honest when they're drunk of furious. And he is furious. You have always been angry but there... it was terrifying as he screamed at me. ''  
''...Did I... he... hurt you? '' Castiel flinches back at the memory, his shoulders shaking faintly as his eyes grow hollow from pain,  
'' What's a little pain on the outside compared to a whole amount of it on the inside...'' His voice is only a faint whisper but it's causing Dean's blood to broil. If this is what he's becoming then he's better off ending it here and now. Being a jerk is one thing but physically hurting Cas and stamping on the place where it hurts him the most is a whole different story.  
'' Well he's a fucked up dick if he makes you believe that it's your fault. Because, Cas it's not your fault, ok? It's not. Wanna know why I know this? Because you're the best fucking angel-man I ever met, I will ever meet. You always put my life before yours and you never tried to hurt me so don't let him fucking tell you that. '' Castiel's hand cups Dean's cheek at that as a lonely tear escapes his eye,  
'' God I miss this you. '' He whispers while allowing his thump to caress Dean's cheek softly, like he's the most precious thing on the world. It makes Dean's heart ache. If this is what he could have with Cas... he wants to survive the apocalypse. He wants to try it. Even if it destroys everything. He needs to try it.  
'' How did this happen? ''  
'' After fighting alongside this long we, or well, he and I became closer. Of course I was holding back, to that time I still was an Angel after all. And a relationship with anything was strictly forbidden. So I pushed you-him, back. Tried to gain distance. I didn't realize that I hurt you with that. ''  
'' But I thought you made the first move. ''  
'' I did. After I realized that pushing you back, ignoring you, that it hurt you. So I walked up to you and told you what I felt, or believed that I felt in that matter. I remember seeing the hope in your eyes, the happiness, everything felt good in this moment. But then you rejected me... and I left. In that time Sam grew more and more frustrated. ''  
'' Sam's gone... We each go different ways for now. ''  
'' You met by accident as we were together. As I left you fought again and Sam was once more gone. You prayed for me that night after you got drunk and told me everything that's ghosting around in your mind. He told me he loved me. We ended up having sex and for a few months everything was fine. 2 years we tried to stop the apocalypse. 2 years you were avoiding Sam. 2 Years we had something wonderful... '' He breaks off on that, his head lowers, his hand slowly sliding off Dean's cheek.  
'' And then Sam died. '' A small nod from Castiel, his throat getting drier with every word.  
'' After that everything went to hell. As Sam was taken by Lucifer and everything started to go down he became colder. There was barely anything gentle left in your future self. He grew not only colder to everyone around us but me too. By now he's not doing much else than taking me with him when he thinks he got something important or a small fuck here and now when he's in mood. But those occasions are rare and there never is any emotion in it. Nothing positive at least. ...Not that I ever noticed it...'' The room grows silent at that. Both men lost in their own thoughts. In front of Castiel's eyes flash the most happy memories he shared with his Dean. The memories of where everything was still fine. Of course, Dean was sad because of Sam but he never allowed this to affect his mind and their relationship too much. The time where they still talked, still cuddled, still kissed passionately. It's the time Castiel loved the most.  
'' I tried to talk to him, tell him he's not alone with this and that he has to let me in. But he's pushed me away. Sometimes I think about going when it's getting too much. Just... leaving everything behind you know? '' Dean looks back up at the man next to him slowly, he never knew that Castiel would be this kind of lover. Of course, he's not experienced or anything like that but that he was this puppy-like he never guessed. He's like the perfect wife, he would do anything to make his Future-self happy and this is exactly what worries Dean right now,  
'' Why are you still here then? If you love him... why do you stay and allow him to hurt you? ''  
'' Because I still love him. I cannot leave him. I promised I will love and stay with him until the day I die. ''  
'' Well considering that I know myself and saw enough by now, I would say that this maybe comes sooner than you think. I mean, even you have to admit that he isn't looking out for any of you anymore. ''  
'' I fear for this too... Yet I can't leave him... -Do me a favor. '' Castiel's eyes are filled with tears as he gives Dean a sad smile who swallows hard before nodding,  
'' What is it? ''  
'' Don't allow it to end like this again... I can't take this for much longer... I can't watch any longer how he destroys himself. I know that he'll kill us all if he sees Lucifer the next time. It'll be over for us then and I'm not mourning it as long as I can die at his side. But if you get the choice... don't allow it to become like this... I don't want your me to go through this pain too. '' Dean's eyes are focused on Castiel's as another tear slides down his cheek. If he wouldn't know that this isn't possible, he would say that his heart just shattered into a million pieces. Almost painfully slow, Dean nods, his throat aching as he tries to swallow,  
'' ...I- '' Both men look up as the door opens and future-Dean comes in. On the sudden rather emotional look in his lover's eyes, Castiel rises from the ground with an insecure look, his fingers tangles. Future-Dean's eyes only faintly brush his past self before settling on the former angel again. Dean slowly rises to his feet as if afraid to interrupt the heavy silence in any way. Future Dean's eyes seem to burn right through Castiel,  
'' Cas. '' He says and for a moment Dean sees a self-mocking look in Castiel's blue eyes. Probably for being foolish enough to even dare hope for any kind of loving emotion in those cold green eyes. Something in Dean wants to scream at his future self for hurting Cas like this. In love or not, they're best friends, should be best friends. Castiel is following every move blindly and his future self is using that. Castiel is ready to die at his side, he knows what will happen to them and he still fucking stays at his Future-self's side! If he could just get himself to break the tension in the air he would punch himself right in the face.  
'' Dean. '' Castiel's voice is dry, pretend-emotionless. Like he's trying to madden Future-Dean with his distance. Future-Dean's eyes narrow a moment, a mix of anger and disappointment in them. Slowly, almost carefully he takes a step closer, not even glancing at his past self. In fact, for Dean it feels like his future-self is ignoring his complete existence right now. For a moment he thinks about backing out, leaving them some space, some privacy. But a protective vein for the broken ex-angel in front of him makes him stay where he is. In case his future self is being a jerk right now too, he'll punch the living crap out of him. But the faintest look in his direction causes the anger to slowly disappear. The look of frustration, of regret in his green eyes shows that he's maybe not as disinterested in Castiel as he lets on. Maybe he allows Dean to stay in the room to keep him from making the same mistake in his own future. Because Dean can look through his own facade. He knows that the man in front of him is sorry for what he does, that he has some kind of reason for what he does. Granted, most of his reasons are mostly very stupid and a lot of broken hearts and shed tears could be prevented if he would talk about it. But what can he say, there's a serious communication problem in his mind that he can't just push aside. Probably he didn't even learn it with Cas. His eyes move from Castiel to his future self as he hears him huffing out a breathe of air, the faintest smile on his lips,  
'' ...After all those years. '' Castiel's eyes widen at the realization that his Dean must have been listening to their conversation the whole time. Dean's voice is raspy, almost like he has to force himself to talk at all. Like he can't believe it that he's even considering the idea of Castiel still loving him. After everything that happened, everything that was forgotten and ignored and pushed aside. Mostly it was Castiel's presence he yearned for the most but didn't allow himself to have it. Love means weakness and if he's getting weaker, he cannot protect his former-angel anymore. Where is the point in loving if your loved one dies because you couldn't protect him. He lost Sam like this, he couldn't stand losing Castiel too. It would kill him. Painfully slow, a small smile tugs on Castiel's lips as he titles his head to the side, tears now falling freely, making those amazing blue eyes shimmer in the candle light,  
'' Always. ''

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone else got the Harry Potter reference? xD Personally I'm very thick when it comes to references in a Fanfiction no matter if I know the movies/books/shows or not.  
> Aww I'm normally not into Harry Potter. You know, I like the books and the movies but I'm not this huge fan of it. There are only few characters I really love and one of them is Snape. Loved the guy from the beginning. So... Recently I was watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows and I just couldn't help but hear a little of Dean's and Castiel's relationship out of those two sentences.  
> After All those years. -Always.  
> BROKE MY FRIKKIN HEART!  
> Because I can totally imagine Cas saying the exact same thing about Dean in this 2014 world!


End file.
